Friday, September 7, 2007

Forget it, Jake. It's Corntown.

The family and I went to one of these no-frills supermarkets last weekend, where they have all the products disguised to look like well-known brands, like if you squint you'll think you're actually putting A-1 Steak Sauce on your hamburger, not AL-STEAK sauce- you get the idea.

Anyway, I didn't really want to go. The missus insisted we go there to buy certain things, as she insists that we are poor. She could be right about that, but I insist that poor is a state of mind, and that in my mind I am a gazillionaire.

So, I was along reluctantly- we brought our own grocery bags so we wouldn't have to buy them at the store but we don't own a cart so we still had to rent one- all of this no-frillery made me slightly grumpy.

However, my mood soon lightened as I spotted a box of microwave popcorn with the brand-name, in carnivalesque font:

Did I say my mood lightened? I should say I was in hysterics. All I could do was point and guffaw. Now it was the wife's turn to be grumpy. She tried to pretend she didn't know me.

It's been kind of a running gag for the past week. Corntown!
And, added bonus! Popcorn lung comes along to sweeten the pot! Now I could entertain myself and annoy the missus with my little playlet, performed in the bathroom as I was flossing:

Narrator: Corntown, USA. A town with no future, the only employment available a dead-end job in the popcorn mines. But some hope to escape the fate of previous generations.

Young Davey: Me, I'm gettin' out of Corntown. I ain't gon' die from the popcorn lung like my daddy and his daddy before him. I can still remember Pappy on his deathbed. We knew he was about to go when his coughs slowed down to two or three per minute...


The Non Stop Shoebox said...

I think the story needs to focus a little more on Young Davey's mother, fighting as she is with the struggle to support her son in his bid to break from the limitations of Corntown (thus avoiding certain death), yet cannot openly show her support as she needs to retain the semblance of solidarity with her now ailing husband who, whilst coughing with popcorn lung, swears that no son of his is going to leave Corntown and become a big city dandy.
By the way, I do not support the proposal to take the Corntown story and transpose it into a Broadway musical, particularly with the new feelgood ending, where young Davey returns home with his beautiful young bride, the surgical genius who has discovered a controversial new cure for popcorn lung, with which she successfully saves young Davey's dying father, thus—unlike the bleak original— allowing father and son reconciliation and a happy ending.
Neither would I bother renting the low budget exploitation rip-off "Crownton", with the same plot but cheaper actors & set etc.
And don't even think about "Porntown" which doesn't even ATTEMPT to follow ANY plot, but merely uses a pun on the name to knock out yet another poorly produced skin-flick involving corn-dogs and young women from dysfunctional families with one too many "uncles" visiting the trailer on Sundays when Daddy's at the track with his slut from the liquor store.

Grizzly Dad said...

Well, now we know where the "non stop" comes from :)
Yeah, I used an emoticon.

Anonymous said...

....or was that an "emoticorn"?