Thursday, February 28, 2008

who gets Family Circus? Not me!

When I came into work this morning, yesterday's paper was sitting on a desk, open to the funny pages. I spent a good five minutes looking at this, trying to discern its meaning. I know Family Circus is never funny, but there's a difference between a joke that's not funny and a joke that you can't find.
So I decided to employ the series of tubes and found that yesterday's strip is part of a series. The idea of the series appears to be "let's draw a snowman". Yesterday's is the only snowman, of the three or four that I looked at, that is based on a real person. It is also missing its arms. So maybe the joke is "If Larry King were a snowman I bet his arms would melt off". 'Cause he rolls his sleeves up, right?
Actually, I say that yesterday's was the only one based on a real person, but I could be wrong. Today's strip is either Mussolini or Hitler. At the airport.
This is giving me a headache.
To the Keanes I say, "Bring back Ghost Grandpa! THAT is funny!".

Friday, February 22, 2008

Oh, parc

I'm trying to come up with a word that describes my feeling upon reading this list of the top 100 baby names of 2007. Let's go with "dismay". Yes.
I can try all day to convince myself it's just a coincidence that numbers 64 and 65 on the girls' list are Kate and Ashley, but I just don't think it's going to take. And then there's number 76, also on the girl's list: Nevaeh.
I don't have statistics on how many babies were born in 2007, but to get on the top 100 I would think that A WHOLE BUNCH of people must have chosen this name. In case you didn't get that, look at it again:

Yes, that's "Heaven" backwards.

Apparently, all the boys born in 2007 were named after athletes: Peyton, Nolan, Brady, etc.
At least it's better than 2003, when the number one boys name was "Seabiscuit". I may have made that up.

Monday, February 11, 2008

"forget it, Jake. It's Elmo's World"or, "It's Elmos' World, we just live in it"

My complaint about children's entertainment these days is... well, I have several: it's overly didactic, it's unimaginative, everything has the appearance of clearing several screening commitees that make sure there's nothing potentially offensive or interesting, the music is terrible, I could go on.
But I think my chief complaint is the unrelenting glee. There's no let-up to the mood, nothing a little melancholy or subdued, it's just happy happy joy joy until an adult could be forgiven for feeling the temptation to steal a child's favorite toy. Not that I would do that.
One of the worst offenders here is Elmo's World. Elmo, for the uninitiated, is (IIRC) Grover's nephew, who, "All About Eve"-like, worked his way out from his uncle's tutelage to usurp him in the Sesame Street spotlight. He's a giggly little punk with nothing interesting to say, ever, and he's a one-note symphony: everything's inexplicably funny to him, and he loves everyone and everything (why did it get through committee, this anthropomorphizing of inanimate objects like drawers and televisions, I don't know).
The worst part? Kids love the little red bastard. I mean L-U-V love. So, you know, we parents surrender to such amour. Maybe this is practice for the day my daughter brings home some snotty Eddie Haskell type for me to glare at through dinner as he tells my wife what a lovely dress she's wearing.
Fortunately, I've found an antidote I can turn to after a day of Elmo loving his goldfish, his crayons too.
Behold, the antidote.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Two questions

Why do aliens get free downloads when I have to pay?

"The man behind the idea... now hopes to convert alien life forms to The Beatles". Is this some kind of sneaky viral ad for that new remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers?