Friday, May 30, 2008

"If I can find a Sharon Stone movie playing somewhere in China, I am going to not see it!"

In solidarity with the Chinese, I pledge not to go see any Sharon Stone movies, drink out of my Sharon Stone thermos, or attend any of the parties to which Sharon Stone invites me.
I would like to add that I have not played golf since the Iraq War began.

Might as well get to work on my Nobel acceptance speech...

"they're still not sure it IS a baby!"

It seems I must've heard about Half Man, Half Biscuit along the way somehow, but I now feel that I've been missing something after running across this video which pays tribute to one of my favorite films and is also a song about restless legs syndrome. How do I feel about this video? Well, if I were an octopus and this video were a bagpipe...

Thursday, May 29, 2008


When I was back there in seminary school, I used to nearly obsess over Scotty McLellan and his pathetic whirligigs in the briefing room. There were times when I almost felt sorry for the guy. He'd come out there with his hangdog, "Why's everybody always pickin' on me?" expression and not comment on ongoing investigations, even when the questions had nothing to do with ongoing investigations, and you knew that he knew that you knew he was lying most of the time, and it was, to borrow a Perot-ism, "just sad".

Now, though, as you all know, Scotty has released his sensational Haaaah-lywood tell-all including such bombshells as:

"[George Bush]signed off on a strategy for selling the war that was less than candid and honest" .

Hrumph. Well, Scotty, I think your editor should have caught this, but you use "less than" when talking about degree, not in describing two different beasts. An apple is not "less than" an orange, an aardvark is not "less than" a motor scooter. So, you're still lying, and this renders your mea culpa less than consequential. Shove it up your ass.

Anytime a former administrationchik blabs about the miscreancy of GWB and Co., the White House expresses its morose assessment, which boils down to "those grapes are sour! We don't understand why! One day he's out in the yard catching frisbees, the next he's digging up our flowerbed!". Or, in the grandiloquent phraseology of Dana Perino:

"We are puzzled. It is sad. This is not the Scott we knew."

Has anybody here seen my old friend Scott?

This blogger pictures Perino, immediately following that line, adding "we are puzzled and sad but twirling, always twirling toward freedom" and then peeling her face off to reveal that she's a drooling space alien.

I'm going to try to use "We are puzzled. It is sad" regularly in my speech, like when I drop a plate of scrambled tofu on the floor.

So Scott, now that you're a writer you're probably looking for models in the field that you can emulate. I've always liked Hemingway and Hunter Thompson, myself.

Thursday, May 22, 2008


Steven Spielberg is creating a social networking site "dedicated to those who have had paranormal experiences, and users will be encouraged to share their own extraterrestrial encounters". I'm reminded of an old Lily Tomlin bit about pairing up street crazies who talk to themselves so that it appears that they're talking to each other.
Or, as it is phrased more succinctly by a wise-ass commenter on io9:
Don't we already have this and it's called "the internet"?

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

oh snap!

I'm pretty grumpy today, so all the more appreciative of the occasional chuckle, found just now at Alicublog:
"...the fact remains: libertarians stand too close to you when they talk, sing along with Frank Zappa songs (even the obscure ones), and smell".

Friday, May 16, 2008


My creation
In just under an hour, Oona will be one year old. I can't believe it's been a year already.
Time and again, Mrs. Griz has turned to me during especially adorable Oona-moments and said:
"And you thought you didn't want to have kids".
Time and again, I've answered:
"I didn't know we were gonna have this one".

Thanks, kid. Happy Birthday!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Why a Duck?

My daughter's first word (After "Mama", of course, but it could have been before "Dada") was "duck". At least we think that's what it was. With the mouths on her parents, it could've been something else. Let's go with "duck".
So I feel duty bound to link to this.

And if you enjoy that sort of thing, you'll like the Fortean Times simulacra photos (try Bugmenot password possibleyeti), home of the Cappuccino Antelope.

Monday, May 12, 2008

from the darkest depths of medieval America

"You've been accused of wizardry".

Y'know when Hillary Clinton talks about people with "elite opinions"? These are the people she is not talking about.

"Reason for leaving last job: accused of wizardry".

The real question, of course: is he or is he not a wizard? I know he's tried to talk about it but he hasn't looked anybody in Pasco County in the eye and told them...

Thursday, May 8, 2008

gimme three steps, or, "if you could walk this way you'd still need the talcum powder"

We call this the "chimp walk"

It walks!*
Three steps seems to be the magic number, then the ass hits the floor. The obvious reaction is to think about all the chasing that will ensue, except that it's hard to imagine that her walking speed will exceed her crawling speed, which is remarkably fast, anytime soon. She crawls like the wind- the walk is like a tiny little Frankenstein's monster lurching your way.

*we don't yet have photographic proof to present, so the above photo of Oona's "chimp walk" will have to suffice for illustration purposes.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

say "Hi" to your mother

Tom Waits, as you might expect, gives good press conference: