Christ, what an asterisk

Barry Bonds is threatening to break young cheaters' hearts everywhere by boycotting the baseball hall of fame. Which is a shame, because Cooperstown could really use someone with his integrity. Here, Bonds takes the proud, indignant stance of a man wrongly accused:

"I will never be in the Hall of Fame. Never," Bonds said.

What he should have done is hire a chorus of sailors to pipe in here with "hardly ever!", but instead he went with:

"That's my emotions now. That's how I feel now. When I decide to retire five years from now, we'll see where they are at that moment," he added. "We'll see where they are at that time, and maybe I'll reconsider. But it's their position and where their position will be will be the determination of what my decision will be at that time."



Oh. Oookayy. Let me see if I've got this right. You will NEVER be in the hall of fame, unless of course the hall of fame positions their determination with a... uh... how'd that go again?

I'm just wondering: in those hearings, did you ever say "I have NEVER knowingly taken steroids"?